Today feels like the start of a new direction. It is perhaps the first time in my life that there is not a clear path ahead. I’m sure that’s not true, and I have had moments where I have felt the same before. Leaving school and embarking on university; Choosing to turn down a job interview and move to a new country instead; choosing to apply to masters programmes on the other side of the atlantic (applications that, in hindsight, I’m glad did not go through).
Today, I turned 26 years old. It is Wednesday, the “hump day” of the hottest week of the year, and the first time in ages that my birthday, despite falling in Mid August, has actually been hot. It is the first time in four or five years that I have spent this day in England, the country where I was born. It is the first time that I have not organised a big party, instead meeting friends here and there, as the pandemic necessitates. I have been thinking a lot about care lately and chosen today to practice self care. I edited two photos, attended a reflective meeting, went to the park with an ice cream and a book. I have set aside the afternoon to write.
I am wearing my new favourite outfit: a bright turquoise top, hot pink shorts and a golden yellow sports bra. I am almost a walking CMYK palette. The thing about cmyk is it is never quite as bright as RGB. Never quite as luminous.
Last night, just after midnight, as I entered my 26th year on the planet, I was lying spread eagled on a super king bed, by myself, failing to sleep. The courtyard outside my window that is usually quiet was alive with the sounds of laughter and conversation from the building opposite. There were people in the windows that I have never seen before. Welcoming in a new time.
My horoscope for august, leo season, my season, read:
“Stay close to: Your innate sense of purpose. How to shed your old skin and become a shiny new version of yourself. … Welcoming opportunities to say yes or no and mean it. Sharing whatever you have enough of. Welcoming opportunities to ask for what will help you grow and thrive. Knowing that you do this always, always, always in relationship.”
I don’t really believe in astrology, but at this point when I am trying to undo so much of what I believe in, I am opening up space for what new beliefs might grow.
I want to grow plants (I read Braiding Sweetgrass last month)
I want to grow into my body (I listened to Perfume Genius this morning)
I want to…
I believe that our actions are ourselves. I make art so I am an artist – whether anyone sees those objects or not. I try to act in kind ways to be kind. I act happy so I become happy.
That’s it for now